Min Zaw, mmz31@uakron.edu
“Mine has been a life of much shame. I can't even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being.” This is the first line of Osamu Dazai’s “No Longer Human” a semi-autobiography centered around his alienation. This one quote encompasses all of Dazai’s life. A life of shame and a life of ignorance. These are my reflections and thoughts on Dazai’s last completed work, “No Longer Human.”
Before that, I should at least give you some background. “No Longer Human” stars Yozo Oba, a stand-in for Osamu Dazai. It tells Yozo’s story from beginning to end. He couldn’t–feel emotions like regular people; he could feel them but could never understand why. So he wore a mask, a poor excuse for a human face. “Indeed, the more carefully you examine the child’s smiling face the more you feel an indescribable, unspeakable horror creeping over you.” He states “No human being can smile with his fists doubled like that. It is a monkey. A grinning monkey-face.” He would quote “clown around,” bringing his personality to the max. To try to get a laugh out of people. A facade only seen through by Takeichi, a peer from high school.
An empty shell–That’s what he was: an imposter trying to act human. His lack of emotional comprehension made him desperate, desperate for an escape. Prostitution, drugs, alcohol–anything to feel anything, was a drug in itself for him. Love, unconditional love. This road of emptiness, tiredness, sadness, ignorance, it all makes you feel done with it. When that’s all you’ve known all your life. You’ll cling on to any passing love. It’s hard to explain, but it truly meant the world to him, that he was the world to someone else.
Five times, the total suicides that both Dazai and Yozo committed. Always with someone and always the sole survivor. He did eventually succeed. I have a personal thought about why he would do it. He hated himself. He hated his life, he hated it all, because of his ignorance. He had a life that many would envy. He was–handsome, smart, popular, and all the above. So why would he do it? He knew his life was envied, he knew it could get worse, but what he would never know is why his life was so sad, so tiring, so empty. Why it felt like all the universe's misfortunes were casted upon him, even though he knew they weren’t.
It was truly all his fault. His life sucked–because of him. Because of the personality that he had. His inability to refute or his overthinking. His lack of emotional comprehension. Sure the world casted their misfortunes upon him, but the greatest misfortune in his life was him. An empty, tired shell: a poor imitation of a human being.
This novel changed my life. It definitely wasn’t the effect Dazai intended, but it’s the truth. The moment I picked up the story, I could feel that Dazai and I were quite similar. That’s the moment I wanted to change. That’s the moment I realized the road in front of me. That’s the moment I grabbed the steering wheel and turned around. So, if you can relate to anything I’ve said so far, read it. There’s an online free version. And even if you can’t, read it anyway. It might change your perspective or give you some solace in your life.
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